I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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