Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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