i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
