i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
