Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
