The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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