Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
