Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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