Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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