She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
