I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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