are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
