Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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