i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
