Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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