I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
