so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
