last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Found your dick twin last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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