If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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