I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
