Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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