I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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