Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
