i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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