Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
