i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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