I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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