I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
