dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
