Quick, to the slutcave!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All the doctor said was why
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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