Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
