No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
