you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
