If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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