My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
