Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
