you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
