Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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