I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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