we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
