yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
