belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
