my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
