I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
