Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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