Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
