I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I would ride that face into the sunset
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
