god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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