She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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