Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
