i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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