That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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