Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
