Me. At least after what I've been through.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
