Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
