My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
